Morbidly Obese

I'm F-A-T! I hate being an adult. You get F-A-T! I remember it's way easier to lose weight in college than now. It's easier to lose the beergut in college than now. It's easier to make money than now. Life was bittersweet then but hell it's a lot better than now. I can't seem to fit into my clothes anymore. And hell I don't want to give up my illicit love affair with the equine race ( read: redhorse and colt45 parehos kabayo n_n ).

I'm fat. Please help me lose weight without dieting and exercise. Please.

P.S. No surgeries please. I need a miracle to get rid of the fat. Not mere medical intervention.