Candidates for Assasination

The Pinoy music industry has been raving about the massive advancement of music in modern times. Thanks to Kitchie Nadal who jumpstarted the already dying Pinoy alternative rock scene with her famous song Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin, many other alternative bands also came into the spotlight. Alongside the rebirth of Pinoy alternative rock scene, acoustic music by Paolo Santos and the other has-beens and never-wases also helped in reviving the dying music industry. However, many crappy musicians, artists and trying-hard-to-be-rockstars also sprouted like toadstools from dog piss. Let's all wish they get struck by lightning, drown in their soups, electrocuted while charging their celphones (using China-made chargers bought from Unitop) or they lose conciousness and wake up in the kingsize bed of Michael Jackson:

1.) Cueshe
-talk about crap to the highest degree. Everything about them is fake. And who the hell is that second frontman who tries to play cutesy to attract women and gay audiences? Yeah like the hell that's so rockstar to me. And remember that song which resembles Silverchair's "The Greatest View"? That is so damn right sacriligeous for these creeps dressing up as rockstars. I suggest we execute them by burying them up to the neck and putting honey in their head and face while hungry fire ants rush in to taste their juicy eyeballs. Let's see if you can still do that beautiful eyes things fools.

2.) Callalily
-another band whose talent measures up to Mura's dicksize. They sound so horrible and all they have to show is a frontman who has the looks but has the talent of a pig in a swimming contest. I recommend they die by cutting their necks using a breadknife and let them bleed to death.

3.) Alessandra de Rossi
-I think that she is a wonderful actress and fashionista but hell I saw her music video and I vomitted all that I had for lunch. She sang Sailing by Christopher Cross. She not only murdered the song but she has this ghastly video with her in a swimming pool lip-synching the song and bubbles spew out from her nose and mouth that could disgust even a sewr cleaner. I suggest she is executed by letting her sail alone in the Bermuda Triangle to be sucked up by aliens allegedly preying on the area.

4.) Dennis Trillo
-being popular onscreen doesn't mean you are a good actor (check out that horror movie of forgettable nature he did with Paolo Contis and Iya Villana [?]). It probably means you are as lousy a singer as eating ibus without sugar. By singing All Out of Love by Air Supply, he certainly proved that superstardom could not guarantee talent and that fools are still fools even if they wore kingly robes. I suggest he is killed by tying him to a bed with his entire body completely protected except for his thing, spread cornchips all over and then release a horde of hungry sewer rats into the room.

5.) Rachel Ann Go
-the nerve of this fart to make a rock album! She pratically mutated wonderful rock songs like Honestly by Harem Scarem into pieces of mouse droppings. By pretending to be a rockstar, she ironically turned rocksongs into pop songs. I think the only people to appreciate her "rock album" are those people whose breeding compares to that of street dogs and whose musical taste equates to the death-blind-and-mute. She should die by forcing her to swallow rocks until her gut explodes like a star. There you go, you achieve your dream. You're a rockstart now you biatch.

6.) Christian Bautista
-as soft as a flower, this crooner needs to have the true nature of his sexuality constantly re-examined. He indulges those Pinoy's whose craving for melodrama is insatiable by singing love songs that are as cheesy as Piolo Pascual movies. Oh my god! The pain in my ears. I suggest he dies by cutting off his nipples and pouring pinakurat on it until he expires in pain.

7.)Sam Milby
-this wanna-be rockstar ought to be castrated! Imagine him singing Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls and Wherever You Will Go by The Calling and trying to sound so husky as to project a rockstar appeal! Oh come on dickhead. You are like Nick Carter who tried to transform into a rockstar ust by sounding husky. My god can't you even have some sort of originality? He should die by being tied to a poster bed with a sex-hungry Boy Abunda and closet queen extraordinaire Piolo Pascual ravaging his body. Ewww..

8.)Toni Gonzaga
-okay to be fair to her, she is an OK host; but damn it as a singe she sucks bigtime! She has a voice that sounds so gay (like Ruffa Guttierez) when she sings and yet she really feels that singing is her "calling". Kasarang? And she even tries to bellow out high notes that probably makes her throat do sommersaults becuase it can NEVER reach that high. I suggest she is killed by forcing her to swallow the microphone she so willingly proclaims as her scepter.

9.)Billy Crawford
-this has-been/never-was still continues to croon in a ghastly RnB fashion pretending to still be the international star that he almost was. His receding hairline is testament to his delusions that he is still somebody. He should die by being stripped naked and pelted with pellet guns until he extinguishes from mini-contusions all over his body.

10)Kris Aquino
-no words can express my distaste for this beyotch! She continues to release music albums without singing anything! Argh! I can't express myself anymore! Just kill her please. Whatever method you use it's okay. Just kill her!