Candidates for Assasination

The Pinoy music industry has been raving about the massive advancement of music in modern times. Thanks to Kitchie Nadal who jumpstarted the already dying Pinoy alternative rock scene with her famous song Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin, many other alternative bands also came into the spotlight. Alongside the rebirth of Pinoy alternative rock scene, acoustic music by Paolo Santos and the other has-beens and never-wases also helped in reviving the dying music industry. However, many crappy musicians, artists and trying-hard-to-be-rockstars also sprouted like toadstools from dog piss. Let's all wish they get struck by lightning, drown in their soups, electrocuted while charging their celphones (using China-made chargers bought from Unitop) or they lose conciousness and wake up in the kingsize bed of Michael Jackson:

1.) Cueshe
-talk about crap to the highest degree. Everything about them is fake. And who the hell is that second frontman who tries to play cutesy to attract women and gay audiences? Yeah like the hell that's so rockstar to me. And remember that song which resembles Silverchair's "The Greatest View"? That is so damn right sacriligeous for these creeps dressing up as rockstars. I suggest we execute them by burying them up to the neck and putting honey in their head and face while hungry fire ants rush in to taste their juicy eyeballs. Let's see if you can still do that beautiful eyes things fools.

2.) Callalily
-another band whose talent measures up to Mura's dicksize. They sound so horrible and all they have to show is a frontman who has the looks but has the talent of a pig in a swimming contest. I recommend they die by cutting their necks using a breadknife and let them bleed to death.

3.) Alessandra de Rossi
-I think that she is a wonderful actress and fashionista but hell I saw her music video and I vomitted all that I had for lunch. She sang Sailing by Christopher Cross. She not only murdered the song but she has this ghastly video with her in a swimming pool lip-synching the song and bubbles spew out from her nose and mouth that could disgust even a sewr cleaner. I suggest she is executed by letting her sail alone in the Bermuda Triangle to be sucked up by aliens allegedly preying on the area.

4.) Dennis Trillo
-being popular onscreen doesn't mean you are a good actor (check out that horror movie of forgettable nature he did with Paolo Contis and Iya Villana [?]). It probably means you are as lousy a singer as eating ibus without sugar. By singing All Out of Love by Air Supply, he certainly proved that superstardom could not guarantee talent and that fools are still fools even if they wore kingly robes. I suggest he is killed by tying him to a bed with his entire body completely protected except for his thing, spread cornchips all over and then release a horde of hungry sewer rats into the room.

5.) Rachel Ann Go
-the nerve of this fart to make a rock album! She pratically mutated wonderful rock songs like Honestly by Harem Scarem into pieces of mouse droppings. By pretending to be a rockstar, she ironically turned rocksongs into pop songs. I think the only people to appreciate her "rock album" are those people whose breeding compares to that of street dogs and whose musical taste equates to the death-blind-and-mute. She should die by forcing her to swallow rocks until her gut explodes like a star. There you go, you achieve your dream. You're a rockstart now you biatch.

6.) Christian Bautista
-as soft as a flower, this crooner needs to have the true nature of his sexuality constantly re-examined. He indulges those Pinoy's whose craving for melodrama is insatiable by singing love songs that are as cheesy as Piolo Pascual movies. Oh my god! The pain in my ears. I suggest he dies by cutting off his nipples and pouring pinakurat on it until he expires in pain.

7.)Sam Milby
-this wanna-be rockstar ought to be castrated! Imagine him singing Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls and Wherever You Will Go by The Calling and trying to sound so husky as to project a rockstar appeal! Oh come on dickhead. You are like Nick Carter who tried to transform into a rockstar ust by sounding husky. My god can't you even have some sort of originality? He should die by being tied to a poster bed with a sex-hungry Boy Abunda and closet queen extraordinaire Piolo Pascual ravaging his body. Ewww..

8.)Toni Gonzaga
-okay to be fair to her, she is an OK host; but damn it as a singe she sucks bigtime! She has a voice that sounds so gay (like Ruffa Guttierez) when she sings and yet she really feels that singing is her "calling". Kasarang? And she even tries to bellow out high notes that probably makes her throat do sommersaults becuase it can NEVER reach that high. I suggest she is killed by forcing her to swallow the microphone she so willingly proclaims as her scepter.

9.)Billy Crawford
-this has-been/never-was still continues to croon in a ghastly RnB fashion pretending to still be the international star that he almost was. His receding hairline is testament to his delusions that he is still somebody. He should die by being stripped naked and pelted with pellet guns until he extinguishes from mini-contusions all over his body.

10)Kris Aquino
-no words can express my distaste for this beyotch! She continues to release music albums without singing anything! Argh! I can't express myself anymore! Just kill her please. Whatever method you use it's okay. Just kill her!

My 15 Best Music Videos of All Time

I've been an avid music fan for as long as I can remember. I basically listen to almost all genres of music (save for classical music which I think sucks and would also give you a clear background as to my breeding bwahaha [kiss my smelly ass Chopin and Beethoven!]). It makes no difference to me if the music was made in the 1940's or in the 2000's. If the music is good I'd probably have it in my MP3 player. Anyway, here are my chosen videos. I choose these videos either because they tell beautiful stories, send wonderful messages or were made with such elegant simplicity you simply can't take your eyes off them. Here they are:

15.) Mariah Carey- Make It Through the Rain
The video is a typical scene from everyday Pinoy telenovelas that wallow in melodrama. It features the story of a young couple fighting for their forbidden interracial love. By the end of the video, Mariah Carey is up on stage performing and the couple, both now old and gray, grasp each other's hand softly giving justice to the cliche that love conquers all.

14.) Sandwich- Betamax
A music video that features outdoor Pinoy children's games. The simplicity of the video, with the band playing in a staircase seemingly located in a sidewalk, and the innocence of the children playing the games makes this video unforgettable for me. Furthermore, the message of the song reflects a modern band's respect for the bands who ruled before.

13.) Michael Jackson- Do You Remember the Time?
The King of Pop plays a magician in an Egyptian King's (played by Eddie Murphy) royal palace who seduces the Queen, unwittingly, in front of the King with his magic. This irks the King alot and orders the capture of magician. When cornered, the magician casts a spell and transforms into a pile of sand. Oh yeah, the stories that only Jacko videos can tell!

12.) REM- Everybody Hurts
This anti-suicide song is so melancholic and monotonous it almost makes you want to kill yourself ironically. And ironically, I also love this song. Anyway, the video features a regular traffic situation in a highway until people start to look up into the skies as if watching something. At the end, a news broadcast is played expressing confusion upon the presence of a traffic scene with all the people gone (read: all the cars are empty)

11.) Nirvana- MTV Unplugged: The Man Who Sold the World
The first band ever to do an MTV unplugged! This part of the pioneer MTV unplugged is perhaps their best and unforgettable performance. Kurt Cobain simply sat there and sang. Just that. Just perfect.

10.) No Doubt- Running
Gwen Stefani is undeniably the best female atlernative rock music icon that the mid-90s produced. This music video is among the swan songs of the No Doubt band before they ultimately ended their long and glorious career. It features pictures of the band from start to finish. It simply told the glorious and sometimes turbulent history of the band.

9.) Enigma- Return to Innocence
This is one video I will never forget. Enigma became quite popular in the early 90's with this music video released probably in 1994. Enigma's music is similar to chant-trance music that Enya and the Gregorian Monks re-introduced in the 2000s. Anyway, this music video is so unique because it features everything in reverse. Horses running in reverse, everything in reverse. The video stuck to my head since almost 15 years ago. Wonderful piece of art.

8.) Eminen- Stan
This video tells of an obssessed Eminem fan named Stan who has personal issues. The (has-been bwahahah) singer Dido plays the pregnant girlfriend of Stan and also sings the chorus of the song. The video ends with Stan kidnapping his own pregnant girlfriend and tries to record a hate tape to Eminem before the car he was driving got into an accident and killed himself.

7.) Duffy- Warwick Avenue
When I first looked at the video I couldn't take my eyes off it. Funny thing is nothing is special with the video. It is just Duffy sitting in the backseat of the car singing and crying at times. It is a breakup song or something but what I know is it transfixed me. No, Duffy is a so-so beauty not something worth staring at for a long time but the simplicity of the video is just amazing. You could try to check it out, you might like the song too. :)

6.) Soul Asylum- Runaway Train
Perhaps the one song that propelled Soul Asylum to superstardom is also a music video that is worth mentioning here. It features pictures of missing children. Whether they ran away, got kidnapped or whatever, we don't know. But the song and the video is addictive, especially if you are into melodrama. hehe

5.) Hale- The Day You Said Goodnight
What I particularly like about this video is that it isn;t so far-fetched from real life. It is set in boardinghouses or dormitories near universities. As expected, the houses are quite crowded and the scene has a convenience store typical of Pinoy local scenes. The story revolves around a college boy who is sort-of smitten to a young college girl who just broke up with her boyfriend. They became friends and just when the boy thought there is something going on between them, he sees the girl making up with her boyfriend leaving him alone in his dorm. A must-see video I think.

4.) Michael Jackson- Smooth Criminal
OMG another MJ video! Yes, there is no denying this video. It has a Mafia-concept with Jacko dancing around a bar full of gangsters. The dance is so fluid it is as if there are no cuts when the video was made. Of course the classic scene where MJ was walking along the pavement and everywhere his foot touches lights up is worth mentioning here. This was spoofed by Alien Ant Farm in the video of their cover (a pretty good one too) of Smooth Criminal.

3.) Hoobastank- The Reason
The start of the video would make you think like it's a romantic scene complementing the lyrics of the song. However, the twist comes in the middle of the video where instead of a romantic moment between two people, a clever and ingenious heist was taking place. Turns out, the accident was faked to distract the owner of the shop and to give time to the two people's cohorts to steal a precious red gem from the shop's owner. A totally awesome video! :)

2.) Eraserheads- Ang Huling El Bimbo
The founders of Pinoy alternative rock music comes with an unforgettable video about a puppy love that can't be borught back again. It's about a girl who dances very well and is secretly admired by four young boys. When they grew up, they went to look for the girl so they could dance again only to find out that the girl already died. How tragic!

1.) Michael Jackson- Thriller
Don't complain! Jacko was the first person to make music videos into short films and definitely this is the best of it! I suppose you already saw this video so there is no need for me to describe it. Well, if you still haven;t seen it then most probably you are still in the Jurassic era and need to time travel to modern civilization. Well anyway, Halloween is coming up and I's pretty sure Myx and MTV will be playing this quite often.

Well guys, these are my favorite videos. If you have comments feel free to write them down. Oh btw, some of the titles may be wrong so please inform me as well. Happy reading.

That is so Pedestrian!

Okay. Here I am. Allegedly forced by society to join the bloggers bandwagon. I'd probably not have a lot of time to create any more blogs any time soon since I don't have anything worthwhile to write anyway. But since I'm here, might as well waste your freaking time.

In Tupac Shakur's famous song Changes, the last line in the lyrics reads: Some things never change. Well the hell it's true. I've always dreamed of having my own personal driver to drive me around the city or anywhere else I wish to be. But damn lady luck doesn't seem so interested in me and so here I am still stuck to the hustle and bustle of commuting in public utility jeepneys on a daily basis.

Commuting to work or to play is never fun save for a precious few moments where some people would do something stupid to the amusement of the passengers. As a constant jeepney commuter, I've learned a lesson or two.

I am a person who is almost always late in everything. I tend to procrastinate in everything that I do. In fact, whenever I arrive on time for a meeting or something that's so important, the most likely reasons for me being there is that: a.)I thought the scheduled time was an hour earlier b.)by some miracle, there is no traffic and the jeepney sails smoothly along the road c.) I took a taxi because I thought I would have been late if I rode a jeepney.

In a way I am proud of being a commuter. I am a driving force in the local economy. By patronizing public transport, I give much needed support to our drivers and their union which know nothing but hold public demonstrations and transport strikes. Anyway, enough of this patronization and let's get down to business(cause my pride at being a commuter ends there errrrrr):

1.) It is very important to know your driver. Before riding a jeepney, examine his facial expression and his eagerness to drive. If he looks like he's about to fall asleep on the wheel then chances are he will drive as fast as a steamroller on a rainy day (read: soooo damn slow). If he has tattoos or facial peircings, most likely he'll drive like Lindsay Lohan on drugs. He will take you faster to your destination but if you're lucky enough he could take you faster to your grave too.

2.) Check out the driver's age. If he looks like he has one foot buried in the soil already, spare yourself the trouble of riding in his jeepney and wait for the next one. He will drive as fast as a funeral car on Sunday. The younger the driver is, the better. But if you encounter a young driver who drives like an old man, well save yourself some money by not paying him. His job is to take you to your destination in a reasonable time. And if you hear a driver scream "If you are such in a hurry, go take a taxi!", you can help him understand the meaning of the word control by (again)NOT paying him! Don't answer back, don't fight back, just don't pay him. Let's see who wins that argument. Bwahaha,

3.) NEVER, EVER pay right after you came up the jeepney. Chances are, the driver will make it an excuse to stay and wait for more passengers by asking you how many people are you going to pay for, your destination, where did the jeepney pick you up and stuff. And a worse scenario is after that useless smalltalk another passenger will come up the jeepney and do the same. The jeepney driver is in a win-win situation here since he gets to get your money and still linger around to wait for passengers. So, when is the best time to pay your jeepney fare? That is when the jeepney is already on the move.

4.) Be careful of rusty and old jeepneys. If you get in a minor traffic accident, you'd have a higher chance of wounding yourself on the rusty railings and get yourself a wonderful case of tetanus. Let's see how beautiful you'd look like in a locked jaw.

5.) Believe in the power of positive thinking and mental telepathy. Try to focus your mind on the driver and constantly repeat: Dasiga Dasiga (hurry). Believe me, it works 65% of the time. They could actually feel your eagle eyes piercing through their thick skulls and they get to start moving. So if you ask me, what happens to the other 35%? Well, some skulls are just too thick for mental telepathy and positive thinking to affect.

6.) Some drivers are just too deaf to even belong in the human race. Passengers would have to shout two or three times before he even stops the jeepney. And chances are you are a block away from where you wanted to stop. How do you deal with this driver? Shout STOP from a block away. Another option: Don't pay him.

Anyway, I hope you learned something and apply this crap to your miserable lives. It could get you out of your worst I'm-so-damn-late moments. You got comments? Feel free to write them down.....